Have I ever told you about the time I got the living krap kicked out of me in a chick fight ???
No?
Seriously?
I haven’t?
Well then …
To begin,
It’s not an entirely accurate statement that …
I got the living krap kicked out of me in a chick fight.
I didn’t really.
Technically speaking,
I got the living phucking krap kicked out of me in a chick fight.
Total,
Complete …
Annihilation.
Krazy, I’m tellin’ ya.
No, No, Nooooooo !!!
My dear boy viewers …
Stop that right now !!!
Slowly,
… Gradually,
…… Discretely,
Lift your hand and place it back on the keyboard.
I’m not talking about the kind of chick fight where …
Women-folk scratch and claw one another,
Pull hair,
Tear off tops,
Fall into mud,
And eventually end up making out with one another.
Ohhhh !
… Oohhhhhhh !!
…… Ooohhhhhhhhhhhh !!!
Nope,
Definitely not that type of chick fight.
The type of chick fight I’m talking about is …
The one where one woman,
Or group of women,
Assert a …
Moral,
Intellectual, or
Societal standing,
Superiority over another woman.
One of those “I’m better than you” kinda fights …
Where women go no holds barred …
To make sure the …
Alleged,
Accused,
Asserted …
Less moral, less intelligent, or lower class standing chica is well aware of the identified differences between them and is thoroughly …
Degraded,
Beaten, and
Humiliated.
So not fun.
Now I know,
You’re probably saying, “But Amy-wan, you’re a Jedi … how could you have gotten the living krap kicked out you in a …”
“No, no“, I’d interrupt, “That’s not what I said.”
“Oh, you’re right,” you would correct and rephrase,
“I meant .. but Amy-wan, you’re a Jedi … how could you have gotten the living phucking krap kicked out of you in a chick fight?”
Well kiddos,
It’s simple.
I was unprepared.
One of the down sides of not growing up natal,
In addition to the whole just going through the motions, being internally miserable at best, and not even coming close to living life things,
Yo,
Is that I was totally klueless when it came to the whole chick fighting scene.
I didn’t know the warning signs that a chick fight was developing,
That I was in peril,
Who would have my back,
And most importantly,
How to defend myself.
Heck,
I was so klueless that …
Not only did I get the living phucking krap kicked out of me,
But I was actually in two separate chick fights at the same time.
And to make matters worse,
I was not even aware I was in either chick fight until it was too late,
And I laid broken and bloodied from both.
“Ummm … could use a little help here. Ow !”
On a scale of 1 – 10 …
It sucked.
Anyways,
I learned a few things from the experience,
And consistent with the whole theme of sharing my life here so others can learn from my mistakes,
I’m not an example, I’m a warning ! 
This Chick Fight mini-series covers the Uno, Dos, and Tres of what I learned from the experience.
Peace be with you.
This post is the first in a series of five (1 of 5). As each of the posts are published, the links below will go live. And contrary to most of my mini-series, the only post that I have yet to complete is Aftermath, meaning it’s my plan to post one a day in successive days. Enjoy. She shoots, she scores !
Chick Fight – The Boxed Set
Chick Fight – Initiation
Chick Fight – Lesson Uno
Chick Fight – Lesson Dos
Chick Fight – Lesson Tres
Chick Fight – Aftermath
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Anybody think Amy might make a New Years resolution to post once a month?
Actually, Amy could make a resolution to post daily. Still not likely to happen. But, then again, she seems to have a busy life beyond Amynews. Good for her.
Resolutions won’t give her more time or less procrastination. Resolutions are only good intentions. Amy has no shortage of good intentions.
As the first entrant in the “Where in the World is Amy?” game, my guess is in a bar in her hometown….Chili’s??
“… is in a bar …” Fish. Barrel. Gun. … Duck.
happy new year..
thank you for all you do
other amy
Can it possibly January 6 already?
And no new post of pics either.
It’s less than two months since her last post. She has been running six months between posts.
Amy, do you see a correlation between the deteriorating economic scene and a rise in clients needing your services?
I don’t know about Amy’s practice (although I would suspect that there is an increase in criminal activity that will only get worse over time), but part of my practice is bankruptcy and that has certainly increased!!! Interestingly, there has always been some increase in bankruptcy filings after the holidays. I think some people take one last opportunity to use their cards for holiday shopping and then realize they are over their heads.
Ahhhh. Remember the good old days before Amy had a life?
It seems like only yesterday….
We haven’t played “Where in the World is Amy?” in a while. My guess…since St. Patrick’s Day is the next holiday, sitting in a pub, getting in shape.
AT this vedry moment Amy is at her computer composing the promised “Chick Fight – Lesson Uno” installment and as soon as she finishes proofing it she’ll post it. … NOT!
It must be a very long post….
First guess, about three months long….
Amy saw her shadow today. It could be six more weeks until her next post.
gods her spelling got atrocious. When the hell did that happen?
now I know why she wont ever email me at least. Horrid.
My spelling got atrocious ??? Seriously ??? Except for my phonetic use of K for hard-c’s and fondness for PH instead of F, I thought I usually did fairly well ! Heck, I should have enough time to spell check things considering my distance between posts !!!
Hi all !!!
Just a guess – as the economy goes down the toilet, defense lawyers get very busy.
As is always the case … Yodette is wise and totally on point !
Your spelling is atrocious. Your grammar and stylistic voice are both a train wreck and a beached whale, respectively. In summation your blog is a foul offense to the Universe. It is matched only by the terror that is your Death Star sized ego.
All my happy way of saying that I miss you, wingnut.
LOL Gawd luv ya girl !!!
I honestly love that review and am going to use excerpts when pimping my site !!! 
” . . . a foul offense to the Universe”.
“[Amy's] grammar and stylistic voice are both a train wreck and a beached whale” and her “spelling is atrocious”.
Sweet !!!
Happy Valentines
I hope your day is Roses and chocolates and a cute boy on your arm for a fine dinner.
other amy
Amynews’ spelling is atrocious, her grammar and stylistic voice are both a train wreck and a beached whale, respectively. Her website is a foul offense to evolution and the universe at large. In short, George Lucas would love it. -Sianna
Don’t let Sianna goad you into posting. You’ll only be playing her game…..
Don’t allow Sianna to throw her into the brier patch?
I remember when I was growing up, that the schools would hold girls up as models of good behavior and wonder why boys had to cause troublem.
This generation of girls we’re seeing though… from my experiences with my stepdaughter, I’ve seen several knock-down dragout fights between young girls, a couple of which have ended with arrests. Never underestimate the power of girls.
BTW, like the site; I pop in once in awhile but this is the first time I’ve actually commented here.
Amy, it’s been more than three months since you promised the rest of the bar fight story…. Sometime soon would be welcome.
Jinkees !!! Has it been that long … I’m such a loser. Yes, mahster !!! I have bowling tonight, but I’ll post within the next 24 hours.
24 hours in Amy-Daze time, no doubt. Not that I want to jinks a promise or anything.
On the other hand, 3 months is about average for Amy postage.
Of course it is Meg. Therefore, the reminder.
First! In March!
My, what a remarkably long 24 hours. Feels like more than a week….
I think Amy-Wan has moved to Mercury, where the day is 58.7 Earth days long. That would explain her “day” being somewhat longer than we’re accustom to.
Hopefully she has good air conditioning, as the average surface temperature is a toasty 350 F all year. At least there isn’t any snow to ruin your commute.
If she actually lives on Venus, we’re in trouble if we really need an Amy-fix. The day is 243 Earth days. But acid rain is a real problem there. And the temperature is even a bit warmer, at 850 F.
Drunk yet?
LOL Not yet !!! But it is on my agenda for today !!!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day !!!!!
oh, you know, from time to time i stop by to say that i’m still alive, and i’m glad that you are too…
Amy’s alive, but hybernating
She’s either hybernating or Hibernian-ating… the difference between sleeping soundly and passed out drunk.
April 15th is right around the corner and you know what that means, right? Another post from Amy!
I expect Amy will be up late on the 15th of April, busy at her computer… doing her tax return.
April 15 is just aroound the corner, but it’s still a month too early for Amy to post.
In the meantime, I suppose we could play that old countdown to 100 game.
First!!
In April.
Wow! Are those actually new photos of Amy? Maybe she’s getting ready to post.
Amy has a kitty?
Yodette,
I believe that is the new man in Amy’s life. If memory serve me correctly after lo these many months from an earlier post.
I vaguely recall, now that you mention it.
So much time. So few posts.
100
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